Well here it goes… I feel guilty that my anxiety led to me quitting my job. There I said it. I had a great job, my employers were two of the nicest people you could ever meet and I looked after their children, who I loved to bits. I was happy and had never felt anxious at work, actually my work distracted me from that. But then it happened… I started feeling dizzy, sick and shaky. It could strike at any time, at home, at work or in public. . . I started shaking and went really dizzy, I nearly hit the floor! A first-aider was called over, I had to call the child’s mother to come and get him and my mam to come and get me. It was horrific, I was so embarrassed but the worst thing was the way the child looked at me while all of this was going on. He looked scared and unsure of what was happening. I had scared him, it was my fault.
I went to the doctors. . . and was put on sick leave for two weeks. At then end of that the doctor told me to take another six weeks off. Through all of this my employers were fantastic, they were really understanding and sent me a Get Well card and present. This made me feel guiltier about letting them down. They didn’t know that it was anxiety that I was suffering from, I didn’t know how to tell them, so they thought it was still undiagnosed dizziness. During my time off I kept thinking that I wasn’t capable of looking after young children anymore, I kept thinking of how scared the boy I was looking after had been. What if I had another panic attack and something happened to one of the children while I was wrapped up in myself? So when my employer emailed me to see when I was coming back to work, I resigned and explained that I didn’t want to let them down anymore and that I had to focus on my health. They were very kind and wished me well. My parents were horrified, they thought that I had thrown away the best job I would ever have.
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