I have depression. I started treatment in 2006, but it began long before that. I think I was born hating myself. Mental illness runs on both sides of my family. It must be in my genes. I was always a very serious child. People would say I was moody, which I suppose was true, but it was more than that. I had terrible stomach aches and threw up a lot when I was younger. I guess I didn’t understand how I was feeling so it manifested physically. As I got older, the physical symptoms waned, I developed body image issues, anxiety, perfectionist tendencies and the moods got harder for me to handle. Eventually I stopped going out, I stopped sleeping, I stopped functioning and I prayed that I would just disappear. Since it was unlikely that my prayers would be answered, I did the next best thing. I got help.
Currently, I’m functional…most of the time. Some days are easier than others. I’ve come a long way from where I was, but I still have a long way to go. Depression is a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. I am on medication and I have had therapy, but I’m trying something new. I’m sharing. I’m starting by pledging my commitment to Blog for Mental Health 2014.
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